Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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