i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
