Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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