overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
