Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
