Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
