What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize