god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
