My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
