My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
