Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
