Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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