and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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