wat bout pragnant strippers??
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
