I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
