as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
