Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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