I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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