dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
