I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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