This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
