A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
