It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
