that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
