You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
my poor anus
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
