the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
