We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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