Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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