She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
