first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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