he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
