My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
