I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
