Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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