2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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