There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
