i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
