the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
