my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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