just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
