I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
