life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
