Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
