never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
