D3 body, D1 cock
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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