My first STD was from a foam party
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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