I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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