When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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