apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
did i walk over a car last night?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
