I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
