am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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