Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
