You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
