Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
