M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
