I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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