okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
