she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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