well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
