I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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