I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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