Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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