i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
