Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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