Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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