It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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