I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
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i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize