My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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