I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
