Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
